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‘No lasting damage done in Somerset’ says thankful Environment Minister

Owen Patterson’s valet claims it took him nearly an hour to polish the Environment Minister’s brogues following his recent visit to the Somerset flood plains.
The valet told the Commons Expense Claims Committee that it took the best part of a £1.40 tin of Kiwi light-tan shoe polish to restore the brogues to their former glory.

Paterson had earlier condemned whining Somerset flood victims who he claims all had wellington boots to keep out the rising flood waters whereas he was having to make do with a pair of Grenson hand-crafted leather brogues. But the valet said that thanks to some vigorous buffing the night before, real disaster was averted during the two hour fact finding mission to Somerset’s flooded farms and villages.

‘I saw Mr.Paterson talking to flood victims on TV and it was heartbreaking to watch. He was visibly shaken by what he saw down there in Somerset….you could see him welling up inside’ sighed the valet; ‘After all, he’s only had those brogues for a fortnight’.

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Posted: Jan 30th, 2014 by Gerontius

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