After the delivery of a ministerial attaché case containing an 11lb tuna to the headquarters of Ofsted, it has been hinted by sources at the Department of Education that the Chair of Ofsted, Labour Peer Baroness Morgan ‘Ain’t gonna be around no more, capisce?’
With the Ofsted chief not having been seen for days, a nationwide search has been launched and although hopes of finding the well-respected education Tsar are fading, the DoE firmly clarified their position that there were no hard feelings from their point of view, that whatever had caused the disappearance was probably ‘simply business’, and if anything unpleasant had happened, the interests, well-being and future of the
family country would not be adversely affected by her loss.
The departure of Baroness Morgan comes hard on the heels of the removal of non-Conservative members from the Arts Council and the Charities commission. Senior Labour and independent members of both bodies have variously been reported to have been cemented into the foundations of a new Tesco Metro in Slough, or fed into an industrial meat-grinder along with horses’ heads, but only in a genuine initiative intended to drive up standards in the quality of low-cost lasagne.
Questioned about the removal of Baroness Morgan, the minister of Education, Don Gove, replied “Fuhgeddaboutit.” Signore Gove was also reticent about reports that he was attempting to heal the rift between himself and Ofsted Chief Inspector Sir Michael Wilshaw by inviting Sir Michael to a “Sitdown” at Papa Giuseppe’s Old-Timey Sicilian Pizzeria in Little Venice where, earlier, an adviser from right-leaning think tank CosaNostra Policy Forum was found taping a snub-nosed Smith & Wesson under the cistern in the men’s lavatories.
Signore Gove halted further questions by gesturing to have his Consigliere slowly close the door of his office while a kneeling PPS kissed his hand with all respect, accompanied by the lyrical sounds of a pastorale played on a Mandolin by an expensively-educated ‘patron’ who seriously only does this sort of thing in his spare time.