London commuters begged London transport unions tonight to extend the current 48 hour tube strike indefinitely, citing “an immeasurable improvement to our quality of life and general well-being” since suspension of services began.
“Please, stop holding London to ransom by threatening to resume services tomorrow morning,” said a spokesman for the London Commuters Group; “give us a few more days of freedom from these fetid caskets of lurching hopelessness. We can get the bus and see the sights, or we can walk – nay, skip – to work and be all the happier for it. Are men, like ants, born to creep through narrow tunnels the day long, our limbs cramped and contorted and our noses filled with the stench of armpit? No! Let us breathe the intoxicating fresh air and bask in the fortifying sunshine, and break these shackles forever!”
One commuter commented: “I saw the sun-set for the first time in 5 years when I walked home from work today. So many colours. I feel alive again.”
“I saw a chaffinch in the park when I walked to work,” added another. “Normally I only see sparrows on the northern line.”
However, bosses across London reported worrying levels of exuberance among some workers. “They’d better call this strike off pronto,” said Dave Bigshot from one major employer. “All my staff are coming in bringing acorns they’ve found in the park or sharing photos taken from the top decks of buses. I need my workforce crushed, fearful and despondent, and the tube is a very important element of that.”