The funeral will be held next week of Jumbo,the elephant in the room, who has pined away through lack of attention and, most importantly, never being fed. A spokesman for the elephant community said ‘Jumbo was shunned and now we are stunned. In a room full of people, mostly preoccupied with ‘pushing the envelope’ and ‘picking the low-hanging fruit’, Jumbo died neglected and malnourished. In 2014. Unbelievable. It’s almost like he was invisible.’
The coroner agreed. ‘Tragically, Jumbo just wasted away’, he said. ‘Some of that low-hanging fruit might have just kept him alive. People shouldn’t keep over-sized pachyderms indoors, even as clunky business metaphors, if they’re not prepared to look after them’.