While a Cumbria Zoo has been celebrating the arrival of an animal normally only seen in the wilds of Niger, predators in Copenhagen have been hard pressed to restrain their salivation. Since their success in disguising an ‘all you can eat giraffe buffet’ as environmentally-friendly euthanasia, Scandinavian lions have been getting particularly ‘skittish'; demanding ‘gazelles with long necks’ to sate their new appetite.
One particular ‘vet’, dressed in full scrubs and sporting a magnificent blonde mane, growled in a Danish accent: ‘We applaud South Lakes Park in their continued protection of wild species. And yet,’ he said gesturing with his paw. ‘the big question is – does one of the rarest giraffes on the planet go better with white or red wine?’
The public have been very generous sending gifts to the newborn, with an anonymous vat of ‘marinade’ arriving from Denmark. However the ‘vet’ offered one word of warning, as he rolled his tongue over four large and menacing canines: ‘Remember breeding closely related animals increases the chances that rare, harmful genes are passed on. We are particularly concerned about the recessive ‘tasty gene’. It might be best if you left me alone with the animal for a while? Or at least until coffee and mints arrive.’