Rebekah Brooks successfully uses the ‘I knew Tony Blair’ defence

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Just when schadenfreude, infidelity and ginger-karma appeared to have caught up with Mrs Brooks, fate and the High Court have stepped in to clear her of one of five counts of conspiracy. Her legal team attributed this pyrrhic victory to the mitigating circumstances of their client having consorted with an Anthony Charles Lynton Blair and in the spirit of Page Three were quick to make a clean breast of the matter.

Mrs Brooks is not the first to have been led astray by his hyena grin; other notable practitioners of the ‘I knew Tony Blair’ defence have been OJ Simpson, Lindsay Lohan and London’s entire financial sector. While News Corp’s editors wilfully lied to, intimidated and corrupted the public, Mrs Brooks’ lawyers feel that this is ‘small fry’ next to the warmongering Mr. Blair. One lawyer explained: ‘My client was an naive peddler of printed bile; so only moderately repugnant. But then she and Rupert Murdoch fell in with a bad crowd at No.10.’

Since the dawn of time, or at least since the police started taking bribes, ancient man has asked – is there anything more evil than Rebekah Brooks, what could be more immoral than a Sun journalist, and who killed Cock Robin? Now modern philosophers, through the scientific study of chicken entrails and James Murdoch’s deleted emails, have managed to answer these riddles with one smug face. The wider question is how many other miscarriages of justice have been caused by exposure to pernicious Blair juice – although, as yet, Rupert Murdoch’s ex-wife was unavailable for comment.

Mr. Blair has already accumulated the dubious honour of being the first Prime Minister to be submitted to police questioning, the first PM to list his official residence as ‘the rectum of the President of the United States’ and to be an even more annoying tennis player than Cliff Richard. A News UK (formerly News International) spokesmen said: ‘Destroying individual lives and reputations is one thing, but even Rebekah Brooks would draw the line at misleading Parliament’. Rumour has it that even the Pope is thinking of excommunicating Mr. Blair. A Vatican official commented: ‘The Catholic Church has its issues, but a malevolent reign of terror that dragged Europe into the Dark Ages has to be moderately better than New Labour’.

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Posted: Feb 20th, 2014 by

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