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Government ‘gone’

The British Government has completely disappeared, according to reports from Westminster.  Downing Street is said to be deserted and Whitehall offices abandoned.  For some months, political commentators had been questioning the reasons behind the coalition’s lack of action over rising poverty, floods, education chaos and debt-ridden NHS trusts, but this morning the answer was clear.  David Cameron’s government have fled the country leaving the United Kingdom to its fate.

‘It all makes sense now…’ said a protestor in London’s famous Trafalgar Square.  ‘None of us could understand why the government was doing nothing about the terrible problems facing the country.  There is only one answer that makes any sense. There is no government.’

Rumours suggest that the Prime Minister has tried to flee the country before, but last time accidentally left his daughter in a pub, so had to come back again. David Cameron was last spotted wading around the West Country up to his knees in effluent, saying that money would be no object in tackling the nation’s problems, and then hastily adding that ‘there would be no blank cheques.’  There were suspicions at this point that he may have completely lost control, but the abandoned offices in Whitehall seem to have confirmed this. This morning an ordinary member of the public (N. Clegg) was seen running up and down the corridors of Downing Street, proclaiming ‘He’s gone! They’ve all gone!  We can do whatever we want!’ before getting lost in the building and asking someone the way out again.

The power vacuum has led to utter chaos in Britain, with schools being set up by anybody who fancies it, bankers crippling the nation’s finances and then paying themselves massive bonuses and newspapers lying and spying and then getting off scott free.

However a press spokesman for David Cameron denied that his government had fled the country never to return.  ‘Er, no, it’s just half-term and we’ve all gone skiing. Next week, it’s back to the office and doing nothing as usual.’

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Posted: Feb 22nd, 2014 by roybland

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