Irn Bru revenue siphoned off to fund the English economy

made from girders, Scottish girders

Scottish nationalists are outraged at the disclosure that the revenue from Irn Bru is being siphoned off over the border. In secret moves by the Conservatives and Liberal Democrats, an order was made in 2012 making the land upon which Irn Bru production plants operate, English territory.

It is estimated that 15% of Irn Bru revenue will now end up in English coffers unless Scottish Independence can overturn the act.

Alex Salmond said, ‘Them sneaky wee sassanachs have done it again. If we don’t say yes to an independent Scotland the Westminster posh boys will cut the Scottish budget by £35 Billion over the next 15 years and take £225 Billion in the same period in Irn Bru revenues. This equates to £48,000 per Scottish citizen.’

But David Cameron has hit back. ‘With high Irn Bru prices making it worthwhile to invest in squeezing more of the fluid out of old production plants, British investment and technology has helped keep the plants economical over the past decade, keeping thousands of people in employment on both sides of the border.’

With an estimated 12-24 billion barrels of Irn Bru still to be produced, industry chiefs say that new techniques are needed to keep it flowing. The associated costs could not be met by an independent Scotland.

But during a speech to members of the Ullapool and District Caravan Club, the First Minister said, ‘Irn Bru is worth £22,831 a minute, £32 million a day, £12 billion a year. It is the £1.2 Trillion to come out of the stolen Irn Bru production plants that is stopping the UK debt being junked.’

Scottish MP’s are now investigating claims that the deep fried Mars Bar economy has been hijacked in the same way.

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Posted: Feb 25th, 2014 by

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