The Office of National Statistics has revealed that the British public ‘surpassed expectations’ on Shrove Tuesday, making more ‘tossing’ innuendos than in any other year since records began. The tradition, which was once reserved for the kitchen, has become widespread among the public, with phrases such as; ‘let’s have a good toss in the kitchen’ being openly used on daytime television, with the ‘Loose Women’ breaking all previous records on their own.
‘Any other time of the year you could find yourself getting arrested for use of foul and abusive language,’ a spokesman for the ONS said. ‘But our figures show that Shrove Tuesday is an acceptable day to tell colleagues that you’ll be ‘tossing all night’, that your wife ‘gives a great toss’, and even ‘I like to wank pancakes’, but we think the last one is from workers who have never watched a Carry On film.’
Speaking about this year’s surge in ‘tossing’ jokes, David Cameron explained why he is not surprised. ‘Going around the country I have noticed the increase myself. In fact, it seems the public have been practicing since 2010 with the vast majority calling me a tosser.’