The result of the bidding to be the next country to be invaded by Russia during an Olympics are set to be announced at a glitzy ceremony in St Tropez later today. The competition hasn’t been as fierce as expected in the race to follow in the footsteps of Poland in 1920, Hungary in 1956, the 1968 event in Czechoslovakia and the more recent hosts Georgia and Ukraine as had been expected.
Kyrgyzstan is the current bookies favourite, but Mongolia and North Korea have both prepared excellent bids, and Afghanistan may yet submit an application late on. A delegate from the Olympic Russian Invasion Committee expressed delight at the calibre of the bids. ‘It’s always difficult to decide who to invade during the Olympics’, we were told, ‘and while there may be a shortage of candidates this time, we’re sure we’ll find an acceptable host country to walk into while everyone is getting excited about the modern pentathlon for the first time in four years’.