As a referendum approaches, New Zealanders are considering removing the Union Jack from their flag and replacing it with ‘something involving a Hobbit’. The current frontrunner is a depiction of Sir Peter Jackson lounging in a pair of sweatpants, while elf maidens coquettishly scratch at his groin, in search of nuts and berries.
‘Over 80% of our GDP is now Lord of the Rings merchandise,’ said Prime Minister John Key. ‘Sir Peter is an iconic image of a modern New Zealand, sorely in need of good hair products’.
Kiwis will be offered an assortment of Jackson tableaux to choose from, including ‘Jackson wrestling an Orc’, ‘Jackson suckling a Dwarf from the Iron Hills’ and a controversial ‘Swimwear Section’. The opposition has suggested an alternative based on Lucy Lawless and some sheep dip against the background of a Crowded House album cover.