As part of an exchange programme, Shanghai has agreed to import 60 British PE teachers in exchange for 60 of its finest Maths specialists. The Department for Education sees this as a golden opportunity to raise skill levels and teach China some new things.
‘UK schools have been consistently outperformed at maths in Pisa tests, but we have long been world leaders in forcing teenagers to shower while we watch, casually caressing our stopwatch, our referee’s whistle and our inappropriately tight jogging bottoms,’ said a DoE spokesman.
Poor numeracy costs the UK £20 billion every year while the Chinese tabloids struggle to find more than a single ‘Sixth Former runs off with Teacher’ headline. The exchange will allow some British children to learn complex algebraic equations, while their Chinese counterparts can for the first time get felt up on a skiing trip.