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Capital braces itself for New Financial Year celebrations

few things more terrifying than number crunchers on the marchAs Londoners busy themselves preparing for the inevitable chaos and disruption that the forthcoming New Financial Year celebrations will bring, Mayor of London, Boris Johnson, has sought to allay fears of a repeat of the violence that marred last year’s celebrations.

Mr. Johnson stated today that: ‘steps have been taken, to prevent a recurrence of last year’s disorder’, when the capital’s large Accountancy population take to the streets on the Thursday 1st April, to welcome in the new ‘Fiscal Year of the Weevil’.

Trouble flared during festivities twelve months ago, when rival factions of Bookkeepers and Auditors violently clashed, following a disagreement over accrued expenses recorded in the third quarter of 08/09. The resulting riot left dozens of finance professionals and several police officers requiring treatment for paper cut and ‘Payment Overdue’ stamp related injuries, as gangs of office equipment wielding accounting staff fought a pitched battle through the streets of the City. A year on and one Auditor – who was attacked outside the Institute Of Chartered Accountants in Moorgate – remains in intensive care at Charing Cross Hospital, where he is said to still be in a: ‘serious but stapled condition.’

Mr. Johnson explained: ‘when such a large group of financial types congregate together in one place, each with barely the social skills of a Welsh hermit with PMS, then there are bound to be difficulties. These people are highly repressed, have little idea of how to interact with each other professionally, let alone socially, and are completely clueless when it comes to letting their hair down. Add substance abuse into the mix and, as we saw last year, you have a veritable powder keg on your hands.’

Last year one extremist group of Financial Controllers – reportedly high on marker pen fumes – broke into the Holborn branch of Ryman The Stationers, causing exactly seventeen pounds and forty two pence worth of damage.

doing all he jolly well canThe preventative measures introduced by Mr. Johnson this year, includes drafting an additional 5,000 officers in to City of London Police, a total ban on correction fluid, heavy fines for being found in possession of an uncapped indelible pen, and the issue of several hundred banning orders. Ringleaders and known troublemakers – identified from police footage of last year’s unrest – have been served with restraining orders banning them from entering the Square Mile for the duration of the New Financial Year celebrations.

One such ‘troublemaker’ is 34-year-old, Sandra Bishop, a senior associate at Grey, Dull & Ditchwater LLP. Ms. Bishop hit the headlines last year after film of her ‘celebrating’ with two male colleagues, found its way on to the web. The video was entitled ‘how’s that for double entry?’ and although it got millions of hits, it merely showed Ms Bishop diligently recording financial data twice over.

20th March 2010

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Posted: Mar 25th, 2014 by AdrianJ

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