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Psychics call for clearer messages from the other side

can they all please stop mumbling as wellThe British Society of Mediums and Psychics has launched a campaign to persuade people on the other side to stop pissing about and say what they mean.

“We keep getting crap like ‘it’s a message for Sid; the colour red is significant’. What’s up with these people?,’ complained Angela Swann, the president of the BSMP.  ’Did death rob them of the power to communicate? Honestly, they’ve got no consideration for the difficult jobs our members are doing down here on the mortal plane.

“I had one from a deceased crossword compiler once. That was bonkers – it was all anagrams and clues. Took me hours to work out what he was saying, which turned out to be ‘Nice try, sucker, better luck next time’.

‘They think they’re untouchable because they’re already dead. Well, we’ve got strong suspicions that most of them probably died because they couldn’t direct the ambulance quickly enough : ‘Hello? I’m in a house or flat, my town begins with the letter T. Come quickly.’

British psychics are planning a series of one-day strikes, although a skeleton crew will be available to cover emergencies like that Patrick Swayze film where Demi Moore was about to get murdered, and urgent calls for information on the location of stopcocks.

‘And even then they can’t resist pratting about,’ Swann said. ‘I spent last Thursday up to my ankles in water shouting cryptic clues to a grieving widow; all she wanted to do was turn the bloody water off. If it was possible to kill somebody twice, I’d do it.’

The Union of British Ghosts angrily defended its members and issued a statement saying ‘There is a great sadness in your life. The number 7 and a golf ball will bring great happiness, but also some conflict. Debbie says she remembers Marseilles with great fondness.’

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Posted: Mar 25th, 2014 by deceangli

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