Max Clifford’s penis stands up in court

Clifford to bill his penis for getting it into 'the spotlight'

In a surprise move yesterday, Max Clifford’s penis, Justin, dropped his anonymity to come forward at the hearing of 11 charges of indecent assault. Clifford has pleaded ‘not guilty’, and had since claimed his penis is ‘too small’ to cause trouble.

As evidence was presented on the alleged atrocities committed against women, Clifford’s penis was visibly shaken and needed to be sick into a bag provided by the court clerk.

Justin stated that Max Clifford was fuelled by ‘ruthless ambition’ and drove him to always ‘finish first’, which didn’t win him any friends. He wept uncontrollably; ‘these girls have no idea what real abuse was!’ and went on to outline shocking details of what had to endure at the hands of Clifford. ‘The worst thing is I didn’t know any better, I even enjoyed it, sometimes’. Proceedings had to be halted temporarily as Justin was unable to remain standing and needed to be supported.

The court heard how Clifford’s penis had been stunted from an early age and had to wear prosthetics to ‘feel normal’ and ‘fit in’. ‘He hasn’t allowed this to hold him back and his courage had made him a beacon of hope for many,’ argued counsel for the self-proclaimed average-sized member which ‘could still achieve great things’ if it really tried.

Outside court, one of Justin’s friends confided; ‘we all told him that prosthetics weren’t necessary, and that he was quite normal given his circumstances; but he didn’t feel a complete cock without them. Having to exist in the shadow of a massive [expletive deleted] like Max made him terribly insecure and rather driven’.

The Defence counsel maintains that it is outrageous that systematic abuse against Clifford’s penis was allowed to continue so long unchecked, and it is he that is the victim. A plea has been made that Justin be given a conditional discharge, and that he severs all ties with Clifford.

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Posted: Mar 28th, 2014 by

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