Boom in meth labs blamed on unsuccessful teachers’ strike


A sharp rise in the production of the highly addictive stimulant crystal methamphetamine on the UK’s streets has been directly blamed on last week’s national teachers’ strike today, which unions deemed largely unsuccessful.  Thousands of teachers took part in Wednesday’s walkout, remonstrating with the government over controversial plans to change teacher pay and pension terms.

‘The planned changes mean I’ll soon be working more for less’, said frustrated geography teacher Emma Parsonage today.  ‘If the government wants the UK to compete with the likes of China or Japan to reach the highest possible standard of education, they must provide an attractive pay structure and a range of competitive pension schemes.  But they don’t, so now I’m slinging ice to kids’.

Malcolm Thomas, a chemistry teacher from Coventry, has found success with his new venture, and has now propped-up his £15,000 per-year pension with £590,000 in used notes.  ‘Seeing as chemistry is my speciality, the transition from teacher to meth cook has been relatively smooth for me’, he said.

Mr. Thomas added that, despite his success, some haven’t had it quite as easy since last week’s fruitless strikes: ‘An old colleague of mine who teaches the science behind alternative medicines is busy working away in his makeshift lab, but is yet to find a single client after struggling to reach anything close to purity.  He claims he’s made crystals 0.000001% pure.  I think he’s missing the point: homeopathic methamphetamine is highly unlikely to ever take off’.

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Posted: Mar 30th, 2014 by

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