In the wake of gay marriage being legalised, straight men across the UK today called on politicians to vote for a ban on marriage between different sex couples. ‘It seems a fair swap,’ said spokesman Trevor Coshpot. ‘We were baffled enough when gay men fought tooth and nail to be allowed into the army, now they want to be married as well?’
The proposal aims to alleviate pressure on wedding venues and marriage counselling services by significantly reducing the number of people getting married.
‘It’s great that gay men have finally got the right to be as miserable as us,’ added Coshpot, ‘but something’s got to give. They can take over joylessly traipsing around Ikea of a weekend and pretending to be attracted to the same person for the rest of their lives and we’ll crack on with enjoying our lives again. Give it a few years of married life, let’s see if that flag of theirs is still a rainbow.’