The Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change has today confirmed that they are finally ready to ‘name and shame’ the man responsible for climate change. ‘We’ve said over and again that climate change is man-made and today we’re finally going to start naming names,’ said the IPCC president today, holding up a photograph of Lawrence Hardy from Ealing.
‘We’ve tried to be diplomatic over the years, but enough is enough’ continued the president. ‘This man doesn’t own a cardi or a pullover, never thinks twice about putting the thermostat up and wears shorts all day long’.
Mr. Hardy greeted reporters through his front door today. ‘I’d come out and speak with you normally,’ he said through the letterbox, ‘but I’ve just had my gas bill from British Gas and it has frightened me shitless. I’m waiting for some clothes to be delivered by ASDA home delivery and I’m going to wrap up’.
The IPCC is an independent commission to investigate climate change. It was suggested that now Mr. Hardy was going to change his habits, that their work was done. Members of the scientific body have denied that they can all go back to doing ‘real jobs’, quickly pointing to the ‘real risk’ of global cooling. ‘This climate sh*t, it’s really more complicated than it looks,’ said the president, buttoning up his coat.