Damien Hirst’s autobiography will be ‘ironically’ full of spell errors

the metaphysical embodiment of wealth in the minds of those scraping a living

To the equal delight of the art world and the frustration of most rationale print lovers, the notorious Turner Prize winner proposes to ‘redefine’ what we a perceive to be a ‘well written book’. Changes in font size, incomplete sentences and a cover-face smeared in formaldehyde, are among some of the ‘challenging’ aspects of Hirst’s book, which one publisher described as ‘being beaten around the head with a diamond encrusted skull’.

As the UK’s most successful living artist with an estimated worth £200+m, Mr Hirst promises to draw ‘no distinction’ between the words there/their/they’re. A spokesman explained that: ‘…the artist intends to deconstruct the concept of a book by offering a series of papyrus sheets, stapled together in manuscript form and entitled ‘Wankstain: In perpetual Motion’. It’s all about the affect..effect…affect?…impact of the art’.

Like his artwork, Hirst’s autobiography will be ghost-written by a ‘factory’ of assistants, all plagiarising from a series of ‘author self-help guides’ Hirst found in a junkshop in the 80s. Collector Charles Saatchi was the first to applaud the artist’s bold move, a spokesman said: ‘When Damien dangles participles, swaps commas for apostrophes and uses the c-word, he’s saying something about the state of modern Britain. He’s a conceptual writer, not an actual speller per se. Scraping a grade E at Art A-Level, was just his way of proving you don’t need to be able to write to pass exams.’

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Posted: Apr 10th, 2014 by

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