US threatens Russia with more sanctions, starting with the export of Disney films

Barrack Obama has stepped up the rhetoric in the dispute with Vladimir Putin over Russia’s actions in Ukraine, confirming that any further threats to Ukrainian sovereignty would lead to drastic action, starting with a full and non-negotiable export ban on Disney films.

With the impending release of ‘Toy Story 12 – Andy in the old folks’ home’ and ‘Pinocchio 3 – Real boys are ok to talk to but make shit firewood’, Russia will be left out in the cold by these cultural sanctions as America shuts off the supply of formulaic animated films.

In a speech to the UN, President Obama said: ‘We may not be able to threaten to shut of their energy supplies, lay down any financial penalties or any other sanction of any worth, but I fail to see how any country cannot end up on its knees without knowing what happens to Timon and Pumbaa in their 32nd Lion King spin-off. Everyone loves Disney, it’s our biggest export, and only a cruel, evil, heartless bastard doesn’t cry when Bambi’s mother dies.’

Vladimir Putin has replied only to confirm he didn’t cry when Bambi’s mother died, as he was the one who shot her.

James Pluside, hat-tip Squudge

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Posted: Apr 14th, 2014 by

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