Having been installed as interim manager of Manchester United after the departure of David Moyes, Ryan Giggs is set to allay fears over his lack of managerial experience by wearing a cardboard mask of Sir Alex Ferguson’s face when he arrives to take training.
One of the main criticisms aimed at Moyes was his lack of trophy-winning pedigree, which certainly cannot be said of 13-time Premier League winner Giggs. And he is confident that he can make a good start to his career as a manager by wearing a cut-out of the face of the man who ruled Old Trafford with an iron fist for 26 years, and putting on a Glaswegian accent while yelling incoherently at underperforming players.
‘I honestly don’t see what can possibly go wrong,’ said Giggs, ‘I’ve got my old mate Scholesy back to help out and I’ll look and sound like Sir Alex, so all of these players who won the title a year ago will suddenly remember how to play, while I scream in their faces, throw pizza around and occasionally spit on them a little bit by accident.’
Having received a petition from over two million viewers to that effect, Giggs added that he is also in negotiations with Gary Neville to rejoin the club as a coach too. ‘Apparently Phil is still here and going to hang around for a while, but he has never been a great deal of use as either a player or a coach, so we might just use him as a coat stand or something.’
Roy Keane is also rumoured to be interested in a short-term return to the club until the end of the season, when he will kick Marouane Fellaini’s and Tom Cleverly’s fucking heads in, tell Danny Welbeck he can fucking well fuck off to Tottenham if that’s how he feels and slap the tea lady about a bit, before slagging off the entire playing staff and leaving to return to his job of terrifying other TV pundits during Champions League games.
‘Fortunately that won’t affect us for a few years to come,’ Giggs added.
(pic by camz)