Tube strike a massive bonus for those ‘starved of human contact’

Many tube commuters have admitted to unnecessarily increasing the length of their journeys to take advantage of the exquisitely intimate conditions caused by the strike on the London transport network over the past 24 hours.

Long queues formed on the platforms to participate in the hot, frenetic action every time the doors opened to admit revellers onto the trains or onto the alternate transport, openly referred to as ‘the Boris bendy bus’ after ‘he of eerie appetite’.

‘I am forever indebted to Bob Crowe for the most sexually gratifying experience I could get without risking a criminal charge,’ explained Paul, a startlingly unattractive individual from Salisbury and a Whitehall middle manager admitted, ‘Normally when I rub myself forcibly against junior staff at work, I run the risk of being accused of bullying or harassment,’ he explained. ‘Here though, it’s terrific as everyone just seems to get on with the fun.’

The strike has been welcomed ‘with open arms’ by, among others, psychologists, sex-therapists and S&M enthusiasts. Some admitted to being lured by the promise of ‘action’ from the ‘RMT Union’, which was widely misunderstood to be an unnatural but perversely exciting underground movement. But there are those who view the behaviour as ‘misguided’. ‘Some of these people are looking for love in all the wrong places’, explained an Underground engineer. ‘The Northern Line can be a cruel mistress, even at the best of times’.

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Posted: Apr 30th, 2014 by

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