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Singapore introduces death penalty for use of irony

The Singapore government has announced plans to impose the death penalty for anyone caught using a sense of irony within its hallowed borders. Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong delivered a patriotic speech on national television in which the new measures were announced. One watching journalist commented ‘Oh that’s really going to work, that is’, and was immediately led away by police.

Mr Loong pointed to a decline in national well being, mental health and respect for authority as a direct result of imported irony. ‘Protecting our citizens from moral decline and the evils of drug abuse has only dealt with part of a much larger problem’. There will also be long prison sentences for ‘satirical exaggeration or overstatement’ and ‘raising an eyebrow in a knowing way.’ Later in the day the leader of the opposition appeared to go further, suggesting that anyone ‘suspected of over-emphasizing one word to suggest that they didn’t really mean what they were saying’, be publicly flogged and then chopped into small pieces, although it might be that he was simply satirizing the Prime Minister’s firm stance, which of course would have made him eligible for execution himself.

Singapore has traditionally taken a firm stance on matters of law and order and respect for authority, but there are fears that they provoke international condemnation if they go ahead and execute people for being ironic in a public place. ‘I mean, durr! Like talk about making Genghis Khan seem liberal’ said one local who wished to remain anonymous. Plus there is the problem of the inadvertent ironies of life; ‘For example, will you be prosecuted if you go to a singles night and get sat opposite your ex-wife?’ asked one observer.

However the Prime Minister himself appears to be under pressure after allegations that he gave a little wink at the end of his Press Conference, suggesting that the whole announcement might be some sort of ironic wind up. ‘It was not an ironic wink, he just had something in his eye’ said a spokesman from his office. However Singapore police are now studying footage of the subtle wink, and may yet bring charges. Or maybe just pretend to arrest him and then say ‘Had you going there for a while.’

sidofthesuburbs

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Posted: May 1st, 2014 by Guest

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