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Tony Blair returns to Westminster as ‘Labour Leader Emeritus’

resigned after in-tray became un-resolvableNearly six years after being the first Premier to abdicate at a time of his own choosing, Tony Blair has returned to Westminster for a quiet time of reflection hidden from the world, promising not to be a burden on the current incumbent of this most sacred of roles.

He was flown quietly by private jet, escorted cavalcade and helicopter gunship from his summer residence in the sacred American Colony Hotel, Jerusalem, where he had grown tired of the invective, to live out his days in a modest flat near where it all went on in the glorious past, just along the river from Millbank.

The Labour Leader Emeritus, as he will now be known, was greeted by Ed Miliband who welcomed him with ‘fraternal cordiality’. There was no live TV coverage of his arrival. However hours after his arrival, a photograph of the Labour Leader Emeritus shaking hands and gritting teeth with new Leader Ed was issued, to much adulation.

The Labour Leader Emeritus will live in simple accommodation a mere stone’s throw from the seat of power. The building was described as ‘small but well-equipped’ by his press officer Mr Cambellardi. It includes an attached chapel, a library and a lucrative study, thirteen further bedrooms, a banqueting hall, office suite and private living accommodation. All mod cons are available, as well as a secret tunnel leading to a custom-built designer departure lounge in case of global emergency.

There is also a further tiny guest room available for if his old friend Gordon insists on a visit.

The meeting between new and old was concluded with a ‘brief moment of prayer’ in Tony’s chapel. No details were released about what they each prayed for.

Mr Blair confirmed that he will now dedicate himself to a life of private prayer, reflection and contemplation on his vast knowledge and previous success in sorting out difficult things, which all ended well. He added that he would not try to influence his successor in any way and preferred instead to live out the rest of his days ‘hidden from the world’. At a meeting with Mr Miliband at an un-named restaurant, he also restated ‘unconditional reverence and obedience’ to his successor.

Lol Blackhall

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Posted: May 3rd, 2014 by Guest

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