Prison officials have confirmed today that Max Clifford’s penis, Justin, has been segregated for his own safety and is undergoing assessment in the prison hospital wing after earlier being spotted looking bruised, ‘withdrawn’, and being sick in the showers.
The Prison governor was unavailable for comment, but issued a statement to say that his officers could not take credit for the prompt intervention, however an inmate had shown initiative and acted in good faith. ‘We were very worried for Justin’s safety’, confirmed a fellow prisoner. ‘He seemed a little small and vulnerable, and shrank from human contact. He never said anything, but we suspected Max was abusing him right from the start’.
‘We heard Clifford yelling; ‘you got me in here you little bastard!’ on the first night, along with terrible sounds of beating. If his cellmate ‘Sammy Sacateurs’ hadn’t eventually intervened and separated them we don’t know what might have happened.’
The disgraced publicist is reported to be giving no trouble since the incident, and has even stopped ‘banging on about his sodding book’.