As one of the key electoral issues of the Scottish independence debate emerges, men have said they are willing to concede ground on equal pay provided they are compensated from areas of female monopoly such as extended life-spans, wardrobe space and ‘knee trembling duration’. While Shadow Scottish Secretary Margaret Curran has said Labour will publish pay differentials, many men north of the border want greater transparency when it comes to ‘shoe allowance’.
The disparity in the length of climax is but one of several areas of ‘injustice’ impacting on men who for too long have had limited hairstyle and dyeing options. One male executive admitted: ‘Yes, we’ve been guilty of a few thousand years of discrimination, but it’s not all been one way traffic. Don’t get me started on acne, balding and car insurance. La petite mort needs to be less petite, more grande!’
On the international stage, President Obama has recently signed an executive order to target the gender wage gap, but Republicans are insisting he legislates to make it easier for a man to ‘get laid’, ‘wear his wife’s clothing’ and ‘pout in a cute way’. As one male Senator complained: ‘I will admit that peeing standing up is handy but bear in mind it takes us a lot longer to get drunk in the first place’.
While politicians scramble for female votes, very little has been said about erectile dysfunction in the work place. Scottish First Minister Alex Salmond has promised all company boards will comprise of 40% women but has failed to explain why only women can compete in rhythmic gymnastics. An SNP spokesman admitted: ‘Women’s pay will never truly be equal until we address the wider concern of why the only erogenous zone men have orgasms just the once, takes hours to re-set and is constantly in need of readjustment.’