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Abu Hamza ‘worked for depressed kittens shelter’, claim defence

After claims at his trial that Abu Hamza al-Masri secretly worked for MI5, his lawyers have further revealed the radical Muslim cleric’s extensive work for charity. The US terror trial has heard that Hamza was a ‘leading light’ down at the local homeless shelter, giving reiki foot massages to vagrants, and worked evenings and weekends at the ‘Fluffywumbles Home for Depressed Felines’.

The defence argued that balancing his secret mission to ‘keep the streets of London safe’ under his Security Services cover name ‘Hooky-wooky’, hugging the homeless and ravelling balls of wool for abandoned kittens by night, all took their toll on Hamza.

‘We fear the strain may from time to time have caused him to lose his sense of perspective, and occasionally advocate blowing something up to maintain a semblance of normality. This sort of thing was entirely out of character though, and we would urge the court to take into account his kitten dandling and festering foot fondling as an indication of good character.’

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Posted: May 8th, 2014 by Squudge

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