Vladimir Putin has confirmed that Russia is preparing to ‘annex the Eurovision Song Contest’ if the country fails to win this evening. Russian choirs are reported to be massing around Copenhagen, with reported manoeuvres to out-sing Ukraine contestants and ‘their Western counter tenor backers’.
Kiev is believed to be ready to deliver a song that will silence Russian efforts. Meanwhile the EU is threatening to ban Russian pop music groups from the Western media. ‘If’, said a EU spokesman, ‘we can find any.’
When asked if they will be seeking support from the United Kingdom in their battle with the Russians this evening, a spokesman from the Ukrainian camp said; ‘hah, don’t be ridiculous; we need points’.