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TV entertainer announces retirement from sex offending

There were sighs of regret and words of respect in the world of show business today as veteran comedian and presenter Timmy Handley announced his withdrawal from sex offending, after a 55-year career in which he bestrode the field like a colossus.

‘At 86 it’s all getting a bit too much for me’, he said from neo-Georgian mansion in Surrey, ‘and with my Parkinson’s it’s becoming unclear whether I’m copping a furtive feel or simply having an attack of the palsy. So I’ve decided to quit while I’m ahead and leave my legacy untarnished’.

Tributes have been flooding in from colleagues and victims alike. ‘He was a true pro, the sex offender’s sex offender’, said his agent Bernie Wilkes, adding; ‘he can never be replaced but I am hoping he will deliver a final TV master class to pass on his skills to a new generation’. Tickets for ‘An Audience with Timmy’, are expected to be mopped up as soon as they are released.

The final word rests with the fans on whom he left his mark. ‘He touched me in ways I’ve never been touched since,’  sobbed Emily, 58, ‘repeatedly and illegally. We will never see his ilk again’.

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Posted: May 11th, 2014 by Guest

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