All those who purchased a house in the late 1990s are ‘still smug’, according to a survey carried out by Halifax this week. The famous house price boom, which saw the value of many properties explode by 60% in a few short years, left many people in an enviable financial position, and most have now confirmed that they ‘definitely knew exactly what they were doing’.
Emma Stephens, whose husband Mike has carried a Filofax and worn red braces ever since he accidentally made a £30,000 profit on a bungalow in Epping, said: ‘It’s great to be cushioned with so much equity, but Mike has turned into such a huge twat since we bought in 1997. He went from being a really crap printer salesman to Donald Trump in the space of a week. I have to persuade him every year not to apply to be on ‘The Apprentice’.’
‘The means by which we achieve victory are as important as the victory itself,’ explained Mike after reviewing his property value online for the seventh time this week. ‘At the time it was a toss-up between a new house or a Ford Mondeo, but naturally I scented blood and went straight for the jugular.’
He added: ‘And as every other successful entrepreneur will agree, one must visualise victory before heading into battle, so I was quick to install a conservatory in 1999. Increased the value by a cool 2k, that did. To the victor, the spoils.’