Already weary of dismal stand-up comedians and armchair satirists alike milking ‘dicks on car phone’ jokes, the newly merged Dixons Carphone company has hit back by announcing their new signature range of in-car communications will be branded ‘FannyCock’.
Head of Marketing Theo Holtom proudly said, ‘FannyCock is already a runaway success with pre-orders outstripping capacity, particularly in Thailand and Austria, oddly. We have been asked to bring out a range of phones and tablets for business users so jaded executives can say ‘Ya I’m on the FannyCock today, send me your spreadsheets and I’ll look at them on that’.
Archie Crump, a white van driver interviewed at Leicester Forest East confirmed ‘The lads just can’t envisage getting tired of saying, ‘hang on, I am just about to enter the tunnel, you may lose me for a bit’, or ‘yeah I’m on my FannyCock, you’re breaking up’.
Meanwhile police have confirmed that members of their traffic division are thoroughly looking forward to asking motorists ‘is that a FannyCock you had in your hand just now sir’?
The accompanying accessories range is also proving popular, according to the company’s chief sales executive, Tim Wells. ‘Putting a rubber FannyCock protector around an ordinary iPhone provides instant urban appeal, while children can afford to buy widgets to give as presents, just for the joy of saying ‘it’s for your FannyCock gran’. Phone gems and other ‘bling’ provide an option to ‘vajazzle’ your FannyCock. Truly the possibilities are endless. He broke off apologetically with ‘Hang on, my FannyCock is vibrating, give me a moment…’
City analysts are confidently predicting that Dixons Carphone will be ‘sitting pretty’ on their FannyCocks for some time to come.
(Hat Tip Not Amused)