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Gove to privatise child abuse

'why should the state sector have all the fun?'Michael Gove has announced he’ll hand responsibility for all child abuse to private companies like G4S, Atos and Serco. Mr Gove told the media it was ‘inappropriate and wrong’ for past child abuse to be largely the responsibility of public bodies like the BBC, state-run care homes, the NHS and Liberal MP Cyril Smith.’

The Education Secretary said: ‘At a time of economic challenge it’s crucial we don’t leave child abuse to Labour-supporting BBC celebrities who are paid millions of pounds by licence fee payers. Even some religious institutions are claiming state funding for their special kind of hurting of children. Equally, the cost of child abuse in local authority and other state-provided institutions has got out of hand. That’s why teachers in Free Schools will have a freer hand in this respect. One simple form of abuse will be to deny children in Free Schools free school meals.’

Mr Gove made favourable reference to the economics of child abuse in privately funded independent boarding schools. ‘By choosing to put their children out to tender in boarding schools for which they pay out of their own pockets, wise parents have seen the benefits of market-led cruelty,’ he told an education conference. ‘Most of the Cabinet have experienced and benefitted from this process and see it as their duty to make sure everyone has similar opportunities. That includes the chance to be bullied in less celebrated private schools. Some victims, tragically, go on to become Liberal Democrat MPs, a disastrous choice they are fully entitled to make.’

Mr Gove went on to argue that children from poorer backgrounds shouldn’t and wouldn’t miss out on opportunities to be sexually interfered with as part of their education. ‘You only have to look at the charitable bursaries available for children from less privileged backgrounds, who show talent in say, music. They can get damaged by inappropriate hands-on behaviour from one-to-one instrumental teachers in private education without a hand out from the state.’

The Department of Education has already cited the track records of Atos, Serco and G4S. One official said ‘These companies have already got admirable experience in successfully abusing adults, many of them vulnerable, across a wide range of scenarios, including disability, benefit allocation and killing deportees on aeroplanes. Yet most of the people who carry out this abuse are paid the minimum wage – which represents a considerable saving at a time of austerity.’

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Posted: May 20th, 2014 by nickb

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