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Facebook set to launch Babybook for hubristic parents

In an attempt to stop the increasing number of users leaving the social network due to being continually bombarded with baby pictures and the related updates, Facebook is to launch an offshoot called Babybook.

The social network is receiving a large volume of complaints regarding friends or casual acquaintances constantly posting pictures with captions such as ‘Baby’s first shit’ or ‘Me at 4 cm dilated, you can almost see the head!!’. In protest at this infantile inundation, many users are returning to Myspace and other social networks they can’t quite remember.

It is hoped that Babybook will offer parents an outlet for their compulsion, and return others to a simpler time when they only had to pretend to look at 24 pictures of someone’s child, every now and then. Once their children reach a certain age and are no longer photogenic, Facebook anticipates that Babybookers will return to their main site. The new venture will see babies banned from Facebook, unless they are riding a cat, and the new social network will have strict controls as to how frequently pictures and updates can be added.

The launch of Babybook is being supported by the Child Protection Agency, who have recently voiced concerns about the amount of time new parents spend sharing their inconsequential thoughts and pictures. CPA spokesperson, Richie Gibbons said, ‘Parents spend significantly more time looking at their children through a camera than with their actual eyes. As an experiment, all the pictures of one child from a randomly chosen Facebook account were printed off, and it was found that if you placed them together in a flipbook and flicked through, you could watch the child grow in real time.’

According to the CPA, the trend is indicative of a failure among new parents to understand the basic principles of time and human development. New parents are continually plastering their Facebook walls with confused and trite comments in an attempt to make sense of it all. Common posts accompanying pictures include ‘I can’t believe she is three years old, where did the time go?’ and ‘He is growing so fast, this time last year he was considerably smaller’. This phenomena is baffling experts as the earth is still orbiting the Sun at the usual rate and aside from a few rapid growers, most children are developing at a normal rate.

Mork

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Posted: May 23rd, 2014 by Guest

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