Following a spate of prisoners walking out of an open prison instead of doing the decent thing and finishing his sentence, the public are being urged to get themselves locked up at her majesty’s pleasure to help keep themselves safe from robbers and murders.
Justice secretary Chris Grayling has said he is disappointed that prisoners can’t be trusted to manage their own incarceration, but promised he was doing everything in his power to make sure the public was protected from some of the most dangerous people in society. ‘I’ve asked Serco and G4s to do a stock take of all the murderers, armed robbers, and convicted gang members and it turns out there are probably more outside of prison than inside,’ Grayling said. ‘So just to be on the safe side, we are recommending that any member of the public who wants to be protected by the prison system to commit a crime like not paying your TV License that will see them jailed. Once locked up you’ll be in the one place in Britain we can be sure doesn’t contain any of really dangerous people.’
‘In a true show of justice and punishment the new prisons the will inevitably be required will be built by the bono fide criminals,’ Grayling said. ‘Just as soon as we can find them.’