Disgrunted voters create the ‘Independence from the UK Independence Party Party’
Angry Rotherham residents have formed a new political party to free them from the influx of UKIP voters and councillors into their neighbourhood. Called the ‘Independence from the UK Independence Party, er Party’, it is looking to trade on the fear and anger caused in the area from last night’s UKIP victories. Leader Pamela Tamperly, 42, said, ‘We used to be a nice, close knit community before UKIP came, taking our councillors’ jobs and threatening those of our MEPs. Send them back, that’s what I say.’ Others in the area have feared for the impact on wages that UKIP voters will have. ‘What chance has anyone got of finding work at a decent rate if employers know that UKIP supporters are in the area?’ said Barry Griffield, 34. ‘If you can get someone to vote UKIP, then surely they’re stupid enough to work for peanuts as well. They’re taking our jobs!’
The formation of the party came about after support groups began to form this morning, aiming to help people cope in the aftermath of such a shocking transformation to their community and culture. Said Ms Tamperly, ‘People were walking aimlessly around the streets, giving out low moans of distress and sometimes bursting into involuntary floods of tears. This happens quite often in Rotherham anyway, but there seemed to be a lot more of it today, and we decided that something must be done. After sharing our stories, including a number of them from people who thought their neighbours were ‘one of us’, only to find that they were, in fact, a dirty, stinking UKIP supporter who you wouldn’t even want to live in the same street as, let alone next door to, we decided to take action. The very fabric of our society is under threat.’ Another supporter with strong religious leanings said that last night’s storms were ‘a clear sign that God is angry with our toleration of UKIP and wants us to cast them out.’
Policies for the new party include a cap on UKIP supporters in any one area, to prevent them from winning council seats, and a referendum on whether UKIP should be allowed to stand for election. Tamperly said, ‘The government are running scared of UKIP so much that they are now accounting for about 75% of all our laws, which is far more than their electoral popularity should allow for. We’ve got to stand up to this tyranny of the unaccountable over our Parliament.’ When asked about their other policies, they admitted that they hadn’t gotten as far as the economy yet, but added that uniforms for taxi drivers were to be prohibited, saying ‘We’ll protect the rights of taxi drivers to wear whatever they want from the tyranny of these meddlesome UKIP types, who are intent on destroying our basic freedoms.’ In response, a spokesman for UKIP said ‘EU Brussels bureaucrats, meddlesome metropolitan liberal elite, not afraid to tell it like it is, pint down the pub, opening the floodgates, etc’.
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Posted: May 26th, 2014 by Guest
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