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UK economic activity statistics to include contract killings

Funds received by gang lords for nefarious activities such as people trafficking and contract killings are to be included as part of the UK’s economic activity say the ONS. VAT exempt financial transactions such as arson, protection money, kidnap ransoms and extortion will also be included in the measures although money laundering will not be included for another two years.

The inclusion of crime related activity should change the shape and size of our national economic data and increase the UK’s overall gross domestic product by up to 75% say FTSE insiders. Analyists predict the financial transactions for underworld activity could rival those for UK arms deals and the gathering of surveillance information.

‘Organised crime is one of the UK’s greatest success stories and should be recognised accordingly’ said Business Secretary Vince Cable.
Whether it be in the boardroom or down a back alley, we have some of the most inventive and well organised entrepreneurs in the business.
Figures show that if just one nightclub bouncer collects £200 protection money off 100 clients per week for a whole calendar year, that’s in excess of £400,000 added to the UK economy. And I would just like to remind anybody looking for a no-questions-asked business opportunity, not only with our friends in the EU but throughout the underworld, our borders (and pockets) are open for business.

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Posted: May 30th, 2014 by Gerontius

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