Edinburgh’s new tramp service has proved a huge success. Crowds flocked to the first services outside the Gyle shopping centre at the weekend, where nostalgic shoppers were abused, spat on and asked for a pound for a cup of tea.
‘We are bringing back the good old days when there was vomit on every street corner and a wanking hobo on every park bench,’ said a Scottish department of culture spokesman. ‘In fact, we spent over £7 million to make sure that there is a homeless junkie every 30 feet along the Royal Mile.’
However, some have criticised the scheme, noting that since it began the number of genuine Scottish gentlemen of the road has halved. There has also been a marked increase of Eastern European itinerants coming into Edinburgh drinking the metal polish and picking the pockets of unsuspecting tourists.