Local woman shocked newborn is not ‘like, way cuter’

Erica Jenson, 16, has expressed severe dissatisfaction with her newborn girl, as yet unnamed. ‘I was going to name her Hilde, but you’ve got to be real pretty to pull that off. Right now, it’s hard for me to decide what name goes with that face,’ she said.

The baby was weighed at 7 lb 3 oz, but Jenson insists that she must be heavier as her stomach completely obscures her rib cage. She is refusing to breastfeed until the diet pills she has been consuming covertly kick in.

‘I want my baby girl to have a happy, normal life and that starts with me,’ she said. ‘If I have to do extra shifts at the bowling alley, I will do it. No child should have to go through their youth with that nose.’

Alice Schleis

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Posted: Jun 5th, 2014 by

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