The Irish Catholic church has admitted, following recent revelations, that it is now at a loss for any more ghastly things it could do to make people hate it.
‘We’ve been exposed as brutal, misogynist baby-killing psychopaths, what else can we do short of murdering innocent people in the street?’ said the Archbishop of Dublin. ‘That might be the logical extension of the whole Christian Brothers School/Magdalene Home ethos, I suppose, but most of them would only thank us for it.’
Asked how people should respond to the atrocities, one Irish citizen said ‘I suppose we should say mass? Sure that’d be grand, wouldn’t it?’, while another answered: ‘Maybe we should give them twenty Hail Marys to say. That’s what Father O Brien gave me when I’d told him I’d had a wank, even though it was him I was wanking at the time’.