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Egypt swears in new Pharaoh

pharaoh nuff!Abdul Fattah al-Sisi, or al-Sisi the first, as he has become popularly known, has been inaugurated as Pharaoh of Egypt for the next 4,000 years.

The former military chief comes to power at a time of uncertainty in Egyptian politics following two military coups, after which it was decided that a return to the dynastic system offered the only viable form of government for the forthcoming centuries, with elections to be held every epoch and results subject to loose interpretation under the divine right of kings.

Al-Sisi, or ‘Eternal Monarch and Spiritual Intermediary to the Gods of Fire, Music and Horses’, was elected on a platform of more pyramids, a return an agrarian bartering system, the merciless crushing of his enemies, and being the son of Ra.

It is thought the government will also introduce hieroglyphics as the country’s official language, a massive increase in current sphinx production, and a strict crackdown on those not walking in a ‘two-dimensional manner’.

Elections were held two weeks ago, commencing with the live burial of the former government, their advisers and the entire Muslim Brotherhood in a special pyramid built for the occasion. During the election period, Egypt was governed by an interim Pharaoh, who also happened to be General Abdul Fattah Al-Sisi. Or was it Mubarak the Great? Nobody really seems to know.

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Posted: Jun 8th, 2014 by Adrian Bamforth

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