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Belgium dead; lay undiscovered for two weeks

The UN today officially announced that Belgium has died. The discovery was made when Germany called round one afternoon to investigate an unpleasant smell drifting across the border and found the curtains still drawn.

The UN did acknowledge that Belgium hadn’t shown up at meetings for a fortnight but claimed that nobody really noticed. ‘They didn’t really say too much when they were here, didn’t really have many friends or enemies and they never socialised either. However, Austria did mention that stocks of hand-made chocolates and Stella Artois had dropped a bit which should have been a warning sign.’

Next-door Neighbours France commented; ‘Belgium kept themselves pretty much to themselves really, didn’t come and go too much, fairly quiet type.’ Britain did confess to noticing the mail piling up a bit at Zeebrugge and that the milk lake was fuller than one would expect but added that ‘you know, one doesn’t like to be too nosey.’

The UN also called on all countries to check on their neighbours regularly as unreported death can be a common problem. Holland said ‘I think that we all feel guilty about it, you could always do a bit more for neighbours, but one gets so involved with one’s own lives that it’s easy to ignore the needs of others. We, for one, are going to give Luxembourg a visit pretty regularly from now on. Has anyone spoken to Switzerland recently?’

The European country that will be remembered for many memorable things any day now, will be laid to rest next week. The last will and testament will be read next month and is expected to be uncontested with the Flemish region going to The Netherlands and the Walloon region being given to France. The only contentious issue concerns the Port of Ostend with Germany claiming it was promised the busy shipping port by Belgium some time ago. ‘We could send troops in’ said Berlin, ‘but it ended up causing all kinds of fuss last time.’

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Posted: Jun 9th, 2014 by Team Biscuit

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