Metropolitan Police given permission to buy Death Ray

Approval has been given for the Metropolitan Police to purchase three Death Rays for London. Stephen Greenhalgh, deputy mayor for policing and crime, authorised the force to buy the water cannons death rays from the Galactic Empire, saving more than £2.3 trillion.

The mayor’s office said: “By purchasing them now, while they’re still classified “Grade 1 Are You Totally Out of Your Mind?” we can make considerable savings. If we wait until they are reclassified “Grade 2, Oh All Right You Can Use Them But Pray Nobody Dies”, which is the official Home Office category for safe usage, the price will go up massively.

Nobody was available from the Galactic Empire to explain why the exact same death ray costs loads more when it’s legal to use, even though it doesn’t cost any more to build.

Stephen Greenhalgh says he “doesn’t understand” why Londoners hum the Darth Vader theme tune whenever he walks past, and admits he finds their lack of faith “disturbing”.

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Posted: Jun 11th, 2014 by

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