A FIFA press release today claims that the Manaus pitch for Saturday’s England v Italy match will have the silken surface of a Rolls Royce and the glitter of a Lamborghini. ‘Nothing’s being left to chance,’ boasted Bob Ormeroyd, Grimsby-born Chairman of the influential Southern Hemisphere Grounds & Facilities Committee.
‘Spray-painters from one of Brazil’s top shipyards will spend the next 24 hours giving that surface as many undercoats as it needs to bring it up to the perfect finish,’ assured Mr Ormeroyd. ‘A final topcoat will be applied from our latest “Emerald Pelé” hi-gloss range, as used at Buckingham Palace and guaranteed touch-dry five minutes after application.’
Meanwhile a full colour-chart of the new range (including non-emulsion satin and silk finishes) will be launched next week, in time to feature at this year’s Wimbledon Lawn Tennis Championships.