Police to crack down on illegal barn dances

The Met’s assistant commissioner promised today that there would be a crack-down on the illegal barn dances being held in inner city areas, such as the event in Camberwell last weekend that attracted 2,000 neatly choreographed revellers from as far away as Wiltshire and Norfolk.

Young rural men and women with nothing else to do on the weekend except bailing hay and shooting badgers are becoming increasingly disenchanted with country life and many are turning to illegal barn dancing as a way to escape the drudgery of their daily routine, at least for a few hours over a weekend.

These events are planned weeks in advance on social media sites such as Farmbook with attendees only finding out the true location on the evening of the event.

But for those who live near the illegal events enough is enough. “The noise is terrible,” says Camberwell resident Doncy Stug, ” I don’t mean the volume – they tend to keep it down. But the music… last weekend I’m sure I heard them play Billy Ray Cyrus at least twice.”

Others complain about the muddy wellington prints all over town and the lingering smell of pig shit, but the biggest complaints are for the badly-parked tractors – “They don’t even know how to use an Oyster card!”, an incredulous Ms Stug continues, “and their double-parked tractors all night down all the main roads make it extremely difficult for my clients to stop for me.”

But it is the sale of illegal substances that worries the Police more than anything else, and they have promised that they will do everything in their power to put an end to the early Sunday morning spectacle of tweeded youth aimlessly wandering around London completely off their face on unpasteurised milk.

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Posted: Jun 19th, 2014 by

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