US Republicans: ‘Gay workers’ rights will only extend to the hot ones’

always cheerful

Barack Obama has been criticised by right wing opponents that his recent gay rights legislation will infringe on free-markets; but they have been absolutely clear that this judgement in no way should be interpreted as a homosexual slur: ‘…Heck, no – no siree, Bob!’. By differentiating between federal and private employees, Republicans are concerned that this could lead to lawsuits, a hike in oil prices and Government agencies creaming off all the best looking homosexuals for themselves.

Many gay rights groups are surprised by Republicans vociferous stance against the new legislation on economic terms: ‘…because they could have sworn the House of Representatives was ever so, a tinsy winsy bit, ragingly homophobic’. Not so, answer their critics, pointing towards a raft of liberal legislation they would have approved: ‘…if only someone had set them to the songs from the shows.’

The President’s order will ban contractors from discriminating against employees on the basis of sexual preference, gender orientation or the fact they give Tea Party activists the heebie jeebies. A spokesman for the Republican House Speaker explained: ‘When Mr. Boehner claims this bill could hinder job creation – what he really means is jobs for those who are not hotties. The House Speaker is not and never has been anti-gay – his concern is about the movement of labour particularly amongst his many, many friends of Dorothy; who may not be lucky enough to have a federal job, dancing skills or be drop dead gorgeous’.

By stalling the bill the House of Representatives has emphasised that this is not a self-serving act of prejudice, but an act of: ‘…freedom, justice and rainbow flavoured apple pie – just like Mom used to make’. The spokesman for Mr. Boehner said: ‘There are no homophobes here. You didn’t hear anything of that ilk. Uh uh, no you didn’t. The best way to preserve people’s rights is not to give them any to begin with. And, don’t get me started on the whole slave thing.’

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Posted: Jun 19th, 2014 by

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