In what is being seen as a complete character vindication, Rebekah Brooks was today cleared by the High Court of all allegations of marriage to a ‘soft-shite mockney’.
In a statement read on her behalf by her lawyer, Brooks said: ‘I’ve always clearly denied any such association and all accusations that I wanted ‘a bit of rough’. This rumour was always driven by Kemp during breaks from those dreary programmes showing him hiding behind a wall in Afghanistan’.
The statement concluded: ‘In fact, the first I knew of it was when I hacked his phone. Oh bugger’.