Taking its cure from the British Ministry of Defence, ISIS is to form its own Territorial Army. Volunteers will fly out to Syria or Iraq on the Friday evening and return on Monday morning. To avoid Ryanair’s hefty prices for extra baggage, especially assault rifles, grenades and rocket launchers, these will be picked upon arrival in Iraq.
In theatre preparation will involve a few ritual decapitations followed by random firing into the horizon. Volunteers with psychiatric problems will then be given one woman to beat senseless before shooting her through the back of the head. An advantage for ISIS is that on return to the UK, injured people may get free help on the NHS