Business Secretary Vince Cable admitted yesterday that his entire political career has been based on a vague impatience and dissatisfaction with his life when he hit forty.
‘There I was, chief economist at Shell, good salary,’ said Cable, ‘but the second I hit the big 4-0 I knew it wasn’t enough. I needed some excitement in my life. Only becoming a Liberal Democrat MP could slake that thirst.’
Political observers in Westminster were unsurprised, saying that it explained a great deal about Cable’s recent political career, particularly failing to oust a deeply unpopular leader who looks like the battered kids in those NSPCC adverts.
‘I joined Britain’s third party full of optimism,’ Cable admitted, ‘and now it looks like some spotty ginger kid is going to take my job, and we are well on our way to becoming Britain’s fifth or even sixth party. Maybe I should have just bought a sports bike.’