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Bill Oddie ‘will be next’, says massive cock

set to be woken up at 5am by the dawn chorus squadThe world of 70′s presenters was rocked again last night as details began to emerge of an undercover operation investigating a well-known ‘bird watcher’. Bill Oddie, a once-popular comedian and children’s television presenter from the 1970s, is now thought to have a dark side.

There have been accusations that Oddie liked to hide in the bushes, ‘sneaking up on birds’ and staring at them intrusively. Indeed, Oddie has boasted of his exploits and openly admitted to ‘twitching’ while staring avidly through binoculars at his unwitting targets, some of whom were described as ‘sitting ducks’.

‘It is outrageous that this is still allowed to call us birds in this day and age,’ complained one alleged victim, whose name has been withheld for legal reasons. ‘We are hens or pens – although I hear he likes a nice cock too. I hope he’ll be up before the beak before long, then he’ll have to swallow his pride and will be made to ‘egret his fowl behaviour … er … um … will this do?’

Criminal charges are thought likely after fellow birding enthusiasts’ tweeted their outrage about Oddie’s ‘titcam’, which is now known to have beamed hardcore ‘pornithological’ videos into the homes of subscribers, many of whom have respectable jobs and family homes in the suburbs.

Gratuitous reporting of Oddie’s frequent sightings of great tits, boobies and shags has outraged guardians of simple decency. Worse still, footage has even been broadcast by a complicit BBC showing Oddie creeping through the undergrowth stealthily, breathing hard and uttering such potentially incriminating double entendres as ‘Cor! Look at these sweet fluffy chicks!’. In extreme examples, he has even shown evidence of an egg fetish and boasted of watching them ‘actually getting laid’.

Kevin the SWAN


Hat tips to Sydalg, Thundi, IABP2, Squudge and Spongefinger

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Posted: Jul 4th, 2014 by Guest

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