‘They’re beginning to act funny peculiar,’ said Dr James Braine of Sheffield University. ‘Several Yorkshire eateries are giving their dishes French names and using check tablecloths; snails have appeared on menus in Leeds, and quite a few lads have been seen wandering around on Ilkley Moor ‘sans beret’.
‘The Tour de France could turn Yorkshire into another arrondissement,’ added Dr Braine. ‘Some bakeries have started to do baguettes, and complaints in tea shops – once met with the traditional ‘Ayup!’ are being dealt with by a nonchalant, dismissive shrug. Dalesmen are just lapping it up!’
‘It could be that Yorkshire folk are excited to have something other to do than walk around hills in the rain, but I think there’s more to it than that,’ Dr Baines went on. ‘Look at the men clambering on rusty old bikes and riding around with strings of black pudding round their necks; look at the down-to-earth Yorkshire lasses wandering the streets under leaden skies smoking Gauloises and singing Edith Piaf’s ‘Non, je ne regret rien, tha knows’. It seems like they have finally found their true identity.’
The Yorkshire Post has also reported that women from the Pocklington area have stopped shaving their underarms; an Otley knitting shop has run out of yellow wool, and that Jean-Paul Gaultier plans to incorporate bicycle clips and Aertex vests in his new men’s collection.
As final confirmation of the momentous changes taking place Geoff Boycott has aligned himself with Sartrean existentialism, and a third production of the previously disastrous ‘Last Tango in Halifax’ has been commissioned hoping this time to make it big, though producers are still divided between margarine and lard for the key scene.
Roybland with hat-tips to nickb, rogerg, custard cream, rumour control, NewBiscuit and beckfordburger